It’s a tad early for the National Association Wooly Worm Winter Weather Watchers (NAWWWWW) to be issuing its annual forecast for the coming winter, but we have enough information to be reasonably confident as to what the ultimate prognostication is apt to be.
Instead of holding one big regional meeting this year, NAWWWWW has elected to steal a page out of the Republican Party’s playbook and hold community caucuses throughout central and eastern Kentucky because it cuts down on travel time and expense. The biggest difference is that it doesn’t cost anything for NAWWWWW members to toss their hats in the ring whereas the Republicans are charging $15,000 a pop.
“Actually, 15 grand is pocket change to Republicans outside rural Kentucky,” one old Wooly explained, “which is why half the party is running for president, but NAWWWWWW would be hard pressed to raise more than 15 bucks at any given caucus, so we decided to forego an entry fee. And I can tell you for sure that our weather forecast stands a far better chance of being accurate than the likes of Rand Paul and Donald Trump have in being nominated by the Republicans to run against Joe Biden.”
“But Joe’s not even in the race,” we protested.
“Not yet, he ain’t, because he’s just living up to his name and biding his time,” the old worm sagely advised, “but you can tell your readers that they heard it right here first, that Uncle Joe is going to be the next president of the good ole U.S. of A.”
In the meantime, all six of the NAWWWWW community caucuses we have attended to date have been plagued by blond imposters. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? However, with the exception of the Paint Lick Caucus there behind The Denny House, Mark Gumbert’s new Bed and Breakfast, where we encountered the sarcastic old wooly quoted above, NAWWWWW conclaves have mostly steered clear of national politics.
In NAWWWWW’s case the imposters are blond tent caterpillars that do, at first glance, closely resemble wooly worms to the untrained eye and, like certain human politicians, they have been scurrying around since mid-August creating mass confusion, spouting profound hyperbole and extolling a message that everybody would like to believe no matter how patently ridiculous and impractical it is in the face of stark reality.
According to these fair-haired charlatans next winter in our part of the state the weather would be much like that of spring in Key West, meaning temperatures would be in the mid-70s to low 80s with enough rain to keep things growing. In other words far, far better than perfect.
Most of us know that is absolutely not going to happen, but some folks so desperately wish it would that that they’re already counting on it.
In addition to the Paint Lick function, we also checked in with NAWWWWW assemblies under the Redstar bridge in Letcher County, the railroad trestle crossing Clear Creek near Wildie in Rockcastle, a dugout at the Richmond little league baseball complex, a picnic shelter at Levi Jackson State Park and upturned rowboat lying on the bank of Martins Fork Lake in Harlan County.
The consensus among all six groups indicates that the coming late fall/winter/early spring season will be significantly milder, over all, than normal, especially when compared to the last two years. December, January and February will all contain a few days when most folks will be comfortable wearing short sleeves outdoors in the afternoon.
We will, however, despite the relative balm, have more snow than normal but it will not be of blizzard proportions. Look for numerous overnight snowfalls in the two to five inches range that will be completely melted and gone before dark the following day. The prospects of a white Christmas are excellent as are the prospects for an early spring that will allow your fruit trees to bloom and actually produce a crop for a change from the last three years when late freezes essentially wiped them out.
This forecast should be pleasing to the Republicans who plan to caucus all over the state sometime in March to bestow their blessings upon Rand Paul if he hasn’t run out of money by then.
Reach longtime Enterprise columnist Ike Adams at [email protected] or on Facebook or 249 Charlie Brown Road, Paint Lick, KY 40461.